Jo

This is Jo. She used to not be here. Now she is.

FAIL!

Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary defines the word fail as -

To be wanting; to fall short; to be or become deficient in any measure or degree up to total absence; to cease to be furnished in the usual or expected manner, or to be altogether cut off from supply; to be lacking; as, streams fail; crops fail.

Whilst out and about this weekend, the incorrigible Jimmy has reminded me of the latest linguistic anomaly to hit the pipes; namely, the increasing use of "FAIL!" and "EPIC FAIL!" in response to blunders and/or numptitude.
I'm a pretty hep-cat and therefore down with most vernacular but I'm still a little befuddled with the subjective context of FAIL! vs EPIC FAIL!
You've probably started to drift off to sleep, but steel your resolve. The journey may be arduous but the rewards will ensure that you remain bossa nova in the land of sukka jive-turkeys.

Imagine a situation where you and your droogs are in your earthy local or possibly some choodessny style bar. A round of drinks has been bought but alas, your pint of Uri is missing. The whole table of thirsty compatriots will chime in with "FAIL!" at this inconvenient state of affairs. The whole table, apart from one that is. You will surely lament your situation with an "EPIC FAIL!".
Without the use of a fail-scale, the group's derrision is unfocused and may not induce the errant pint purchaser to rectify the situation... grave times indeed.

Like the avenging angel of cool, I have used maths to rectify the situation and created the definitive fail-scale.
The diagram gives you the suitability of using FAIL Vs EPIC Fail in some example scenarios for guidance purposes. For example, if you witness someone falling over, "FAIL!" is 83% suitable for use whereas when losing your job, the suitability of using "FAIL!" is only 26%.

Fart Defense

New Zealand sees breakthrough in animal gas problem | Oddly Enough | Reuters

"Our agricultural research organisation just last week was able to map the genome ... that causes methane in ruminant animals and we believe we can vaccinate against (that)," Phil Goff told a conference in Paris.

I know of a few friends that could do with a good vaccinating, and yes I do class them as ruminant animals.

Tankard

I am currently in the best pub in London with some lovely people (John and Sara). The reason for it's bestness is described in the picture - excellent ale served in glass bottomed tankards.

Hmmm, you're probably wondering which pub - The Fox and Anchor near Smithfield Markets.

Updated to fix typos due to phone keyboard, NOT BEER.