Dragon Mart is awesome

Today I've taken advantage of the Eid holiday to have a bit of an explore. I ended up at a mall called Dragon Mart and I can report back that it's insane, fantastic, nuts and intimidating.

The mall is vast and located in the middle of nowhere, sticking out like a bastion of consumerism in the sandy light of the desert. It took me the best part of two hours to walk from one end to the other. Inside, each floor is split into hundreds of little cubicle style shops that are more akin to stalls than the plush luxury of the other Dubai malls. The concept of this particular shopping experience is that all things Chinese-made are sold under one roof.  When I say all things, I mean all things. Tractors to laptops and jet-skis to curtains. It's all Chinese, cheap and available in return for cold hard cash.

There were more than enough knock-off looking things that would probably break after the first few uses, but there were also some quite solidly built devices like a TEA SERVING ROBOT! I would sell every one of you readers for such a device, but thankfully it was listed at just over 200 pounds sterling which puts it in the affordable category.

I was also particularly taken with the crazy mobile phones, of which the designers have decided to forego beauty in favour of cramming as many features in as possible. One particular model, labelled as Cool Talk, was a gaudy gold lame little number with duel sim-cards, TV reception, speakers and flashing lights as well as the more mundane flip out keyboard, Bluetooth and touch screen.

I haven't purchased anything just yet as I was cashless and the cash machine was closed so I wandered around taking it all in. This does mean I need to go back, and this time I will be armed with a camera and dirty currency.

Tomorrow I may head off to Sharjah for some extended exploring. The Emirates are big and I am determined.

Dubai... The place of dreams, and building sites

You've been worried haven't you? I've been gone and silent and you crave my attention, nay, you need it to live. Well my pretties, it may interest you to know that I have moved. No, not only have I moved house, I have moved city, country and continent.

Some of you will already know that I've been living in Dubai for almost a month, others, well now you know I hate you (just kidding, I liken myself to Sam Beckett in that my Swiss cheese brain forgets so much). So far it's been pretty sweet. The weather is awesome; the apartments both spacious and pimptastic and the lifestyle is pretty laid back.

In this post I will try to recreate the emotional states that I have transitioned; from arrival through to this very moment sat on my couch typing away.

Departures and Arrivals

Boo, leaving London, Friends, Wench. Don't like this.

Exciting though, new places, things to see and do.

Heathrow, how I hate thee.

Urgh, 8 hours on a plane. I must destroy crying children.

Bahrain airport is... boring.

2 more hours on a plane, this time smelly passengers must die.

Wow, Dubai airport... welcome service, WIN!

Note: Welcome Service consists of a small oriental lady that holds your hand and has the power to jump all queues. Truly she is blessed.

Holy crap, hot and humid. What have I done? Ahhh, air conditioned taxies.

Oooo, very swanky pad. What's that? Paid for by the company for a month, EPIC WIN!

Realisations

Ramadan applies to everybody? But so hungry!

Hi new colleagues, look at me, I'm great! Oh, that means I've already been assigned to a project and begin work immediately.

I need residency? Where are you going with my passport! How many forms?!?

Ok so let me get this straight, before I can do things like open bank accounts, rent a flat and officially exist, residency needs to happen. It can take up to a month. This doesn't mean I'm invincible for that month. Fail.

Rental cars are fun... nah, people can't be that bad on the road. I'll drive to Abu Dhabi. It's only a couple of hours. <Two Hours Pass> I want my mummy! <Two More Pass On The Way Back> I want my mummy and foooood!

Ooo, iftar is another word for buffet and shisha.

Hi sister and sister friends. Shopping is great and cheap. Wow, everything is new and shiny.

PAY DAY! No TAX! Stupendous Win!

Acclimatisation

Ooo, diving lessons, dune bashing, sweet merciful art galleries. I may get used to this.

 

There we have it. A month in a page and it really has flown by. Needless to say I haven't actually had time to go sight seeing and the bars and clubs are pretty much closed until the end of the month so I should have plenty more fodder and adventures to excite you with.

I am missing home and the boisterous friends and girlfriend that I got so used to, but hopefully I will soon entice you all to join me. I already have one convert in John who is moving to Abu Dhabi in the next week.

The one thing that still astounds me is the scale of this place. It's all so massive and marvelously fake. The news has reported that the building and landscaping is actually changing the climate of this place so that in a few years, it will become temperate and established. I'm skeptical but if it does happen it's a special type of lunacy that the world needs more of.

I will be back in the UK in October for a proper leaving do and to hug a tree and some green grass. I could not organise one in time before I left due to my uselessness so stay tuned and hopefully many of you can make it.